Over the past couple of weeks, I have realized a lot. 1. I want a closer relationship with God. 2. How much writing my thought and prayers done makes EVERYTHING better. I really miss posting on my blog, even though I did it for a short time, I remember how good it feels to release things. Since I've last posted on my blog many things have changed, and gotten better. I met an awesome guy who accepted me and my son Easton. I graduated high school. Learned to let old friends go, and let new ones come into my life. And learned to handle life situations in a way I haven't before. I have been through a lot in life, but I never really realized how to handle situations in a calm matter, and to think about the problems I had logically. I have never been good with handling my emotions and not let them make my decisions for me. Life throws you punches that you have to deal with. Being a 17 year old mother has changed me, and how I look at things and react to them. I will admit I have not been handling what God has dealt me very well. And I want to seek God to help me with this. A great friend of mine told me this. " God has a plan, he already knows your life, and everything that will happen to you. It't how you deal with the plans he gives, that makes you a better person." And she is very right.God knows the plans he has for you. How you learn from the plans, and the obsticales is what will make you a better person. If there wasn't obstacles in your life, you would never know right from wrong, or what is best for YOU. I am trying to find ways to keep " peace of mind " and to think things through logically without making drastic decisions that will change your life forever. It is a very tricky thing to do. I have been praying constantly, going to church, yoga, and taking vitamins to help my body reclinse, leaving the social networking world, and to live a better life not only for me but for my son. The life I was living was very unhealthy, and depressing. I have been speaking with a therapist which also really helps. I am not asking for sympathy or to make people people feel differently, but letting the world know it is possible to change your way of thinking or to live a better life. My son is the most important thing to me. I think it is unfair for him to see me make bad choices, or my unhealthy lifestyle. I want to be calm, and peaceful for him. I want to teach him to be a awesome man. Who respects himself and women. Who loves his mother, and will love his children. It is all a lot to think about, and it is a long ways down the road. But if I can change myself early enough I will do it for him. I have also found myself being very anxious or constantly worrying about what my future holds, and who will be in my life now and a year from now. I never focus on what is happening right NOW. I will admit it. I fear the future. I fear of failure. I fear disappointment. I fear rejection. Who doesn't? But there are great scriptures that have helped me with my anxiety. Here are a few:
"Never be anxious about the next day for the next day will have it's own worries."
Matthew 6:34
"Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I'm not letting go."
Isaiah 41:10,13
"For we fix our attention, not on things that are seen, but on things that are unseen. What can be seen only lasts only for a time, but what cannot be seen lasts forever."
2 Corinthians 4:18
I fear that I have lost many relationships I wish I hadn't. But I can only grow from the experience, and LEARN from it. Know what better to do next time. Know what not to do. I always say I will learn, but I always seem not to. It's time for me to think positive and realize there is hope for tomorrow. Hope for a change. It is absolutely never to late to change. My life starts now. I am to young to not hope for a bright and better future. I start school this fall currently at GRCC, and will transfer to KCC next semester. I will be living at home with my parents through my first year of school. It is important for me to not get overwhelmed and just take the support while I have it. Easton will be going to daycare full time, while I will be in school full time. It will be a busy time, but I am ready to take it on.
It felt really good to write this blog. I will update on my life hopefully every week. Don't want to promise too much ;)
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 12:28
You've got this Aisha. You see what you need and are going for it. If it's any help: none of us get to where we are going doing everything right the first time. The best we can hope for is to make amends, learn and seek the Lords guidance in doing things better the next time. Sounds like you already understand that so you are on your way!
ReplyDeleteAish, I am so proud of you, and I am delighted that you are pursuing your relationship with the Lord. We are all created to have fellowship with Him, and it is in that relationship that we find " love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control" Galations 5 5:22-23. I personally could use ALL of those things in my life!
ReplyDeleteCan I give you one more verse to add to the verses you cited? (which are excellent). It's from Deuteronomy 31:6: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” That is a great promise that you can cling to, that He will never leave you, or forsake you!
Love you girl!!!